God's Sense of Humor

My radiation treatments are going well and I think my hip is already getting stronger. I couldn't start my Xeloda chemo pills this morning as planned because you have to take them on a full stomach, and I haven't been able to eat in two days. I wasn't even able to look at my protein smoothie this morning. Then there was "miscommunication" between one of the clinics here at the CTCA and the one in LA. Then I started feeling sorry for myself because I am here all alone (by my choice). By the time my radiation treatment was over I had worked myself up into such a state that I just wanted to go to the chapel and be by myself to have a good cry.

When I got to the chapel, another lady and the chaplain were already there having a discussion and asked me to join them. The topic they were discussing was trusting in God. The Lord has such a great sense of humor. He had just been waiting for me to show up for this discussion. He wanted to make sure that I realized that He knew how my day was going and He was there with me to help me through. I am so in awe of His timing.

I still cried when I was alone in the chapel, but for a different reason. I cried for my lack of faith.

Of course I would love everything to go back to normal. I would love to be able to wear my flip flops without tripping. I would love to be able to do step box arobics again. I would love to experience spontaneous remission. I would love to throw away all my pills. But more importantly I would love to have the faith of Abraham that would unquestionly accept whatever the day brings because I know that God loves me. I am not there yet, but at least I know what the goal is. I know that there will be days, like today, when I will miss the mark.

But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired. (Hebrews 40:31)